Whether anyone likes to admit it or not, interviewing and recruitment are all about politics. And I don’t mean the presidential election. What I mean by politics is that what ultimately determines if you get the offer is whether the company loved you. More specifically, you’ll get the offer if your interviewer loved you. That’s it, plain and simple. If the company loves you, then you’re getting a phone call with the offer. If the company disliked you or just didn’t care about you, then you’re getting the dreaded letter in the mail. This brings me to the point: should you flirt with your interviewer?
No one is going to admit that you should. Career center, career counselors, your friends, recruiters, and company representatives will all tell you to keep the interview professional and to try and find a common ground of interest, but to never cross the “professional line.” However, I want you to take a step back, open your mind, and continue reading what I’m writing.
The fact is that people are attracted to people. I’m going to honestly tell you that during my recruitment season, I knew that I was going to have a terrific interview when I walked into the interview room and the person sitting across from me was a woman. Now, don’t think that I interview poorly with men. I feel that I interview just as well with both, but find it much easier and smoother to interview with woman. The best way for me to relate this to you is by telling you an example:
I made it to second rounds with a company and I wore my best suit and tie to interview at the office. As FD Style tells you to do, I connected well with all of my peers who I was recruiting with and connected exceptionally well with the receptionist at the front desk. My buddy (the office buddy that is assigned to you) and I were chatting and laughing together telling each other stories while she walked me to my interviewer’s office. We walked into the office still laughing and she introduced me to a very attractive woman in her late 20’s who was my interviewer. We sat down and she asked me what we were laughing about. I casually mentioned that we were talking about our experiences with undie run at UCLA. Of course she asked what undie run was and I teasingly said,
“Oh, I don’t think you can handle what undie run is.”
She replied, “Oh really? Try me.”
So I told her what it was and she said, “I wish we had something like that on our campus”
“You would have loved it. So I’m getting the feeling that you went a little crazy as an undergrad, am I right? Were you in any sororities?” I continued
And the conversation took off from there. Lame? Maybe, but you can’t deny that we connected, and she definitely enjoyed having a conversation with me. I made it fun and exciting by teasing her and assuming things about her. We hit it off during the interview and I still keep in contact with her today.
So, am I telling you to go out there and flirt with every interviewer? NO, that is not what I am saying. My point was to give you an example of a time that it worked for me and how it is possible to flirt with the interviewer successfully. If you’ve been reading our materials, then you know that one of the first rules of interviewing is that you must always smile. Don’t flirt with the interviewer if you’re not comfortable, but at least always keep a smile on your face. Smiles are attractive, and you’ll hopefully brighten up your interviewer’s day.
How and what to say to flirt successfully is completely out of the scope of this blog. What I want you to take away from this blog is the knowledge that looks, appeal, and personality play a major role during the recruitment process. Use this knowledge to your advantage and implement it into your interviewing and recruitment strategies.
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The example you used for your interview flirting experience is hilarious! Actually, something similar happened to me one time too! I was going to have an interview at a prestigious accounting firm (whose name I will not mention!) and when I walked into the room, there was an attractive lady waiting there for me. Being the gentlemen that I am, I would have never thought to flirt at all until I saw in her briefcase that she had a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition Magazine! Being an avid reader of that magazine, I brought it up and we immediately hit it off! I made a couple jokes about how I like reading it for the “great articles” and she laughed. Of course it was a risk talking about it but I think that as long as you have a professional approach it’s completely fine to talk about such unprofessional things. By the way, that’s the stuff that recruiters/interviewers are going to remember about you! If anyone else has any interesting interviewing experiences, I’d love to hear them!
“You would have loved it. So I’m getting the feeling that you went a little crazy as an undergrad, am I right? Were you in any sororities?” I continued”
Really? To me, that seems borderline inappropriate/offensive.
I’m fairly certain that calling your interviewer “crazy” is not appropriate under any circumstances.
Remember - it’s not neccessary to have any definable skills or abilities, just whore yourself out to get that job!!!!
As a woman, I’m offended by the comment, “So I’m getting the feeling that you went a little crazy as an undergrad, am I right? Were you in any sororities?”
It’s wrong on so many levels.
As someone who has used flirting consistently to get what I want, I know the gist of this post makes sense.
But as I’m sure you know, flirting only gets you so far, and at a certain point, perhaps more so for women, it can backfire as people don’t take you seriously. There’s a fine line, as with anything.
So when I first looked at this blog, I was thinking “what a douchebag.” Does he even know what he’s talking about? I then went on his website and looked around. They actually have some really interesting materials on their blogs and some publications that were quiet informative(a podcast I listened to was hilarious!). But either way, in terms of flirting with the interviewer, I can see how it can work, because your main goal is to stand out positively. I think it is OK to stray away from absolutely professional comments, because recruiters are also really trying to find out what it’s like working with you 45 hours a week, and coworkers say casual things to each other. Ultimately, I think interviewing is more about reading than talking. You need to read the interviewer to see if she is a serious and dull person or young and energetic, and say appropriate things regarding that. Finally, I would like to say, if you have a bad record of flirting with people to begin with, don’t even try it in an interview.
Vicki and Rebecca,
First off, I want to thank you for your comments. Both of you found my posting “offensive” because you felt that it is inappropriate to flirt during the interview or at the very least, flirt in that way. The point of my post was to show how one is able to flirt during an interview. The specific way that you flirt (maybe you would say “fun-loving” instead of “crazy”) is completely up to you and the way that you are able to read the interviewer.
With that said, I feel that is it completely appropriate to flirt with the interviewer. The fact is that you cannot deny that you yourself have used your sex appeal as a woman to get what you want. My goal is to show that men can do it as well and that it is possible to do it in the interview room. After all, you must use every weapon available to you during the interview in order to achieve your dream job.
I didn’t find it offensive for an interview. I found it offensive period. That’s the kind of thing a sleazy salesman would say to me at the bar, and I’ve grown out of that type of conversation (I’m just 24).
An interviewer might flirt back with you, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get the job (indeed, it sounds like you got a new friend, not a job).
Also, I feel that women and men equally use sex appeal to get what they want. It’s part of life, as you say. Getting along with people involves attraction on some level, whether it be emotional, physical, mental, etc.
In the first round of interviews for my current job, my interviewer admitted that he would love to take candidates out to a bar and see their real personalities. That’s very telling, and you’re right that personality plays a huge part in it, and getting the job has to do with being liked, and the politics of the situation.
But you don’t have to be offensive about it. Isn’t the nasty side of work and politics what Gen Y is trying to change?
Flirting with a receptive interviewer may very well be a great way to start a relationship of some type. As you mention, you are still in touch with her today. She obviously wasn’t offended by your comment (which, in my mind, was pushing it).
However, you don’t mention if you were offered the job?
To suggest that flirting is a good interview strategy as a rule is dangerous. To suggest applicants employ strategies that are also useful for flirting is another story…
Yes, smile. Make focused eye contact. Appear interested in what the interviewer says. Lean forward, suggesting that you are really focused on the person. Dress well. Be confident and competent. These are good ideas when flirting AND when interviewing for a job.
Miriam Salpeter
Keppie Careers
http://www.keppiecareers.wordpress.com
A lot of people have been asking if I got the offer. Yes, I received an offer but I did not accept it. I would not have used the example as a great interviewing strategy if I had not received the offer. Every strategy that my company and I publish has been thoroughly researched and attempted in real life situations so that we know they work.
More importantly, I made a great friend and we still keep in touch today. There of course is a “sleazy” way of flirting like Rebecca mentions, but it completely depends on how you do it. So, my follow up tip to you is: Don’t be sleazy!
Jun,
I guess there is another lesson to be learned from this blog - never assume! Since you didn’t state in the blog that you had received an offer, readers can’t be sure. You assume that because you are suggesting flirting in an interview as a good idea, everyone will automatically know that you got the offer. Since you only mention a relationship, we don’t know for sure.
The same advice (never assume) goes for the resume. A reader may not give you “credit” for a skill or accomplishment that you don’t specifically state. For example, you may think that listing a lot of activities that require attention to detail on your resume means that readers “know” you have and use that skill. However, if you aren’t specific in pointing it out and supporting it with examples, the reader misses the point during a 10-second glance.
Finally, as an experienced career coach, I have to add my 2 cents about career advice. No one thing works for every person, every time. No matter how “thoroughly researched” your suggestions may be, erring on the side of caution during an interview typically won’t hurt, while risking offending someone will. (I also wanted to add that I think the interviewer did open the door to the flirting by pursuing details about an “undie run” and mentioning, “I wish we had something like that on our campus.”)
Thanks!
Miriam Salpeter
Keppie Careers
http://www.keppiecareers.wordpress.com
I think the point of this is if you have established a repertoire with someone during an interview, it can be okay to crack jokes or whatever. It’s all on a case by case basis.
I don’t think I would be offended by this, but I can understand how some people would. Use caution in an interview situation - it’s better to err on the safe side. Then again, if you have other options maybe it’s worth the risk for you.
Like I said, interviewing is more about reading people than talking to people, just like sales, negotiating, or in any other type of communication.
I think Jun started off with the right thing: he was sociable, relaxed and cheerful to the office “buddy.” Then his first probe was to say, “I don’t think you can handle it.” Up to this point there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong, besides him taking an approach that has more personality in it. After the interviewer said “Oh yea? try me,” that’s when it seems to be a mutual agreement on bringing the interview to less professional level and really getting to know each other.
Again, like I said, if you don’t have a good track record flirting with girls(which could suggest you do it the sleazy way), don’t do it in an interview.
Jun, if you write something like this, you’re going to come across as arrogant, no matter what your personality is really like.
I don’t think it’s “sound advice” to encourage people to flirt during an interview. The reason I don’t think it’s sound advice is because it has HUGE potential to back fire. Obviously, the recruiter found you attractive as well, so she let some things slide when you said it. The “giddy” factor might have set in for her.
I know your point. You’re trying to express something that some of us think about at times, but are too afraid to admit that a physical or emotional attraction can alter the outcome of an interview, promotion, or other career related thing. But, I’m not sure you should be encouraging others to exploit it.