I'm glad I read this post. I almost didn't read it based on the title. My understanding of helicopter parents and what you say regarding your Mom doesn't match up (at least to me). Your Mom is always watching out for your best interests, aware of what's going on in your life, and is always there to give the best advice she has to offer from what I read here. I think of a helicopter parent who is always 'hovering' around their child and doesn't give them enough space to hardly breath let alone let them make their own decisions. It's you that has the insight and close bond with your mother to listen and value her advice - even listen when it's advice you may not want to hear. The decision regarding of whether or not to take your mom's advice is up to you and it sounds like your mother knows that and has known it before you moved away from home.
I really like this post (from a baby boomer) and I'm glad to hear that a Gen-Y person is listening to advice from Mom that has good advice based on her own successes and failures (life experiences).
Thanks for the comment, Mark. I believe that my mom is constantly hovering, but it's because she cares so I'm okay with that. And despite this, or maybe because of it, we have a good relationship.
Gen Y certainly has a good relationship with their parents, and I think that it is largely a positive thing. This special bond is often sensationalized in the media and the few bad apples are focused on, when in reality helicopter parents and their children are doing just fine. Thanks, again!
I'd argue your mom is an 'Elevator Parent.' She helps you get to the right floor, but you are on your own to find the destination.
I'm with Mark in that Helicopter Parents don't just hover, they smother. Your mom has taught you to think for yourself, but many Gen Y have come to rely on their parents for every move they make. True story: a client recently told me that he was on the golf course with a fellow Boomer executive. This man's college daughter called 3X in one hour to get advice on what to title her term paper to ensure she'd get the best grade. To me, that is the effect of intense Helicopter Parenting. The connection becomes like an addiction - hard to break, and when they do, it's a messy process between the parents and child.
I'm actually glad there has been a lot of attention given to Helicopter Parenting because it's forcing the newest generation of parents (i.e. my kids are 6 and 4) to think about what we are doing/saying and it's impact on our children's future ability to think/act independently.
Great post Rebecca. "Helicopter parents" are completely sensationalized in the media. The reality is that I don't know a single person who's parents hover over them and make decisions for them. But nearly every one of my friends has a close relationship with their parents.
Like you, I call my parents for advice on everything from business to dating, and I plan to call them for the next 20 years. I'm sure we could find a small sample of stories about insane parents smothering their kids from every generation, but my personal experience tells me it's completely overblown.
Parents are here to help guide you, obviously its up to you to make your own decisions. We all know that.
While I wouldn't have added the bit about asking my mother for advice, I wouldn't say that your relationship with her qualifies as typical of a "Helicopter Parent."
As a veteran of Higher Ed. Administration, I have seen real helicopter parents: They call to ask professors and staff if they can verify the location of students, as in, go down the hall and see if Dan really went to class. They will argue with registrars to get their children into coveted classes. If a student is penalized for missing an exam, they will come to the office and lobby for a makeup. They will call to ask for progress reports. They will tour residence halls to make sure the place is up to their standards. They will pay for their children's cell phones so that they can call them at any time. Helicopter parents live vicariously through their children, and never expect them to become actual adults, fully functional on their own.
If this is too much of a rant, I apologize, but really, you don't fall into this category of being raised by a Helicopter Parent. You are able to do things for yourself, without having to have your mother hovering over you at all times.
@ JT - I always love your ability to define something so perfectly! Elevator parents is a great saying. I must say though that what is mostly elevator parenting is taken too far in the media, which is why I wrote the post. To bring us all back to reality : )
@ Ryan - thanks! I agree. I think the main point of the post is that we shouldn't take what is a positive and turn it into something negative because of some myths propogated in the media. The relationship you describe with your parents is really what's important.
@ Kate - In the context of this interview, it was appropriate because we were talking about what was typical of Gen Y.
I think the type of helicopter parent you describe is one end of the spectrum, and my mom is on the other, but I would still define the term helicopter because of the special relationship we have. We need to take responsiblity for the negative images out there of us. Media tells us it's one way, and so people will respond to us accordingly. We need to change what it means. Thanks for comment!
March 10, 2008 4:16 pm
Mark W.
Rebecca,
"Media tells us it’s one way"
Thank you - you just hit the nail on the head!
It's one of the primary reasons I rely on the Internet to get my 'news' rather than the dinosaur media. I loathe being bombarded by the dinosaurs.
P.S. - I love Kate's rant - just don't know the extent to which it takes place.
I'd like to add that parents, besides being sources of excellent advice, can be spectacular networking resources. My dad, for example, is a fairly well-respected member of the software engineering academic community...something that has proven to be very handy in the past, and will likely be so in the future.
Also, my dad is generally awesome to hang out with too, so that's a plus, heh.
While nobody would argue that helpful, caring parents provide the best source of support for children (young and old), As a Child Development Specialist, I, just like Kate, have seen the ugly side of helicopter parents. It is very tough to see children paralyzed by fear or swimming in lethargy because they are simply used to their parents taking over.
You know it when you see it--
--capable 9 year olds lying on the floor while their parents tie their shoes for them (I've personally watched this at an after school program that uses one of my programs),
--parents calling teachers and arguing about grades or the outcome of a pass/fail exam even though it was their child who was admittedly unprepared
--parents talking to their teenage children's coaches because they want to quit or they want more help
While these parents are trying to be helpful, they are robbing their children of the experience they need to learn to do these things on their own.
I have to agree that your parent-daughter relationship is quite healthy and does not fall into the category of helicopter parenting. Helicopter parenting zaps children of their independence and self reliance-- healthy parenting helps us develop those qualities.
All the best!
March 10, 2008 11:34 pm
Parentwillgooglesorry
My fiance has a real pain of a helicopter mom. She controls every aspect of her life, but her daughter disagrees with most of her decisions, she appreciates all the money saving tips and gifts and financial help, but she is basically not allowed to make any decisions, any attempt to disagree is followed by an intense guilt trip. So she just lies, about everything, so does the rest of her family. In fact, my honesty has become a liability and I must avoid contact unless I let something slip. THIS is what is not being covered in any media, that it goes way beyond University into middle age. Arabs defended their modern slavery practices with the exact same arguments helicopter parents use to defend their hovering. Their children become successful and so did some of their pampered slaves.
10 RESPONSES TO "HELICOPTER PARENTS ARE GOOD"
I'm glad I read this post. I almost didn't read it based on the title. My understanding of helicopter parents and what you say regarding your Mom doesn't match up (at least to me). Your Mom is always watching out for your best interests, aware of what's going on in your life, and is always there to give the best advice she has to offer from what I read here. I think of a helicopter parent who is always 'hovering' around their child and doesn't give them enough space to hardly breath let alone let them make their own decisions. It's you that has the insight and close bond with your mother to listen and value her advice - even listen when it's advice you may not want to hear. The decision regarding of whether or not to take your mom's advice is up to you and it sounds like your mother knows that and has known it before you moved away from home.
I really like this post (from a baby boomer) and I'm glad to hear that a Gen-Y person is listening to advice from Mom that has good advice based on her own successes and failures (life experiences).
Thanks for the comment, Mark. I believe that my mom is constantly hovering, but it's because she cares so I'm okay with that. And despite this, or maybe because of it, we have a good relationship.
Gen Y certainly has a good relationship with their parents, and I think that it is largely a positive thing. This special bond is often sensationalized in the media and the few bad apples are focused on, when in reality helicopter parents and their children are doing just fine. Thanks, again!
Hey Rebecca,
I'd argue your mom is an 'Elevator Parent.' She helps you get to the right floor, but you are on your own to find the destination.
I'm with Mark in that Helicopter Parents don't just hover, they smother. Your mom has taught you to think for yourself, but many Gen Y have come to rely on their parents for every move they make. True story: a client recently told me that he was on the golf course with a fellow Boomer executive. This man's college daughter called 3X in one hour to get advice on what to title her term paper to ensure she'd get the best grade. To me, that is the effect of intense Helicopter Parenting. The connection becomes like an addiction - hard to break, and when they do, it's a messy process between the parents and child.
I'm actually glad there has been a lot of attention given to Helicopter Parenting because it's forcing the newest generation of parents (i.e. my kids are 6 and 4) to think about what we are doing/saying and it's impact on our children's future ability to think/act independently.
Great post Rebecca. "Helicopter parents" are completely sensationalized in the media. The reality is that I don't know a single person who's parents hover over them and make decisions for them. But nearly every one of my friends has a close relationship with their parents.
Like you, I call my parents for advice on everything from business to dating, and I plan to call them for the next 20 years. I'm sure we could find a small sample of stories about insane parents smothering their kids from every generation, but my personal experience tells me it's completely overblown.
Parents are here to help guide you, obviously its up to you to make your own decisions. We all know that.
Rebecca,
While I wouldn't have added the bit about asking my mother for advice, I wouldn't say that your relationship with her qualifies as typical of a "Helicopter Parent."
As a veteran of Higher Ed. Administration, I have seen real helicopter parents: They call to ask professors and staff if they can verify the location of students, as in, go down the hall and see if Dan really went to class. They will argue with registrars to get their children into coveted classes. If a student is penalized for missing an exam, they will come to the office and lobby for a makeup. They will call to ask for progress reports. They will tour residence halls to make sure the place is up to their standards. They will pay for their children's cell phones so that they can call them at any time. Helicopter parents live vicariously through their children, and never expect them to become actual adults, fully functional on their own.
If this is too much of a rant, I apologize, but really, you don't fall into this category of being raised by a Helicopter Parent. You are able to do things for yourself, without having to have your mother hovering over you at all times.
@ JT - I always love your ability to define something so perfectly! Elevator parents is a great saying. I must say though that what is mostly elevator parenting is taken too far in the media, which is why I wrote the post. To bring us all back to reality : )
@ Ryan - thanks! I agree. I think the main point of the post is that we shouldn't take what is a positive and turn it into something negative because of some myths propogated in the media. The relationship you describe with your parents is really what's important.
@ Kate - In the context of this interview, it was appropriate because we were talking about what was typical of Gen Y.
I think the type of helicopter parent you describe is one end of the spectrum, and my mom is on the other, but I would still define the term helicopter because of the special relationship we have. We need to take responsiblity for the negative images out there of us. Media tells us it's one way, and so people will respond to us accordingly. We need to change what it means. Thanks for comment!
Rebecca,
"Media tells us it’s one way"
Thank you - you just hit the nail on the head!
It's one of the primary reasons I rely on the Internet to get my 'news' rather than the dinosaur media. I loathe being bombarded by the dinosaurs.
P.S. - I love Kate's rant - just don't know the extent to which it takes place.
I'd like to add that parents, besides being sources of excellent advice, can be spectacular networking resources. My dad, for example, is a fairly well-respected member of the software engineering academic community...something that has proven to be very handy in the past, and will likely be so in the future.
Also, my dad is generally awesome to hang out with too, so that's a plus, heh.
Hi Rebecca-
Very good article. My parents have been such a source of strength for me my whole life and I thank them for being involved.
I believe you quoted the first of my series on helicopter parenting last week. The second one, on the negative effects of helicopter parenting is here-- http://powerfulwords.wordpress.com/2008/03/06/helicopter-parents-volume-...
While nobody would argue that helpful, caring parents provide the best source of support for children (young and old), As a Child Development Specialist, I, just like Kate, have seen the ugly side of helicopter parents. It is very tough to see children paralyzed by fear or swimming in lethargy because they are simply used to their parents taking over.
You know it when you see it--
--capable 9 year olds lying on the floor while their parents tie their shoes for them (I've personally watched this at an after school program that uses one of my programs),
--parents calling teachers and arguing about grades or the outcome of a pass/fail exam even though it was their child who was admittedly unprepared
--parents talking to their teenage children's coaches because they want to quit or they want more help
While these parents are trying to be helpful, they are robbing their children of the experience they need to learn to do these things on their own.
I have to agree that your parent-daughter relationship is quite healthy and does not fall into the category of helicopter parenting. Helicopter parenting zaps children of their independence and self reliance-- healthy parenting helps us develop those qualities.
All the best!
My fiance has a real pain of a helicopter mom. She controls every aspect of her life, but her daughter disagrees with most of her decisions, she appreciates all the money saving tips and gifts and financial help, but she is basically not allowed to make any decisions, any attempt to disagree is followed by an intense guilt trip. So she just lies, about everything, so does the rest of her family. In fact, my honesty has become a liability and I must avoid contact unless I let something slip. THIS is what is not being covered in any media, that it goes way beyond University into middle age. Arabs defended their modern slavery practices with the exact same arguments helicopter parents use to defend their hovering. Their children become successful and so did some of their pampered slaves.
GOT SOMETHING TO SAY?